It came out of nowhere, for no apparent reason, and there was no stopping it.
One minute I was fine, and the next I was uncontrollably furious. The trigger was miniscule, but my reaction was tsunamic. Long-buried and deeply-embedded anger escaped my hold, and it had its way with me. And I had my way with it as well, hurling at it the loudest screams and deepest sobs my body could muster.
Fifteen minutes later I pulled my sore-throated, tear-soaked, snot-covered face out of the massive pillow that bore the brunt of my rage attack. (For the record: nothing got broken, and no one got hurt.) I washed my face, drank some water, and sat in a silent daze for bit. And then, I got to work on seeking and making meaning of what the *#&@!?! had just happened.
For starters, I discerned that I had been physically and emotionally spreading myself too thin, trying to offer support to several family members, each with their own troubles. Nearing exhaustion, it didn’t take much of a trigger to set off my inner child alarm. As I have a tendency to do, I had put myself last on my “take care of” list, and Little Cathie had had just about enough of that. A little numerology research confirmed my suspicion.
But wait, there’s more. It turns out that the whole planet is experiencing an unstable energetic pattern due to a combination of galactic activities: Mercury (among other planetary bodies) is in retrograde; we’re smack dab in a window of time that is bookended by a total lunar eclipse and “blood moon” (July 27th) and the tapering of Mercury’s retrograde (August 18th). The peak of this window includes the opening of the Lion’s Gate Portal (today, August 8th) and a partial solar eclipse (August 11th).
Here is my understanding of what’s going on. The period of unstable energy we’re currently in has the effect of revealing both the light and dark aspects of who we are as human beings, individually and collectively. Specifically, the light (unconditional love) and dark (the ties that bind) aspects of “family” are revealed during this particular galactic alignment. The light shines on and reveals the shadow side of “family,” triggering old traumas to emerge in order for us to address and heal them. In my case, I believe that the “trauma” was the fact that quite a few of my family members were sick, troubled, or hurting in some way, all at the same time. And like the song says, “When something is wrong with my baby, something is wrong with me.”
While it can be quite disruptive and even disturbing to experience this shadow side, it provides a fantastic opportunity for growth. What I have called “rage” is also known as “emotional clearing,” the necessary first step in healing our unresolved traumas that hide out in the shadows. Here is an excellent overview of the emotional clearing process (a little dated, but still accurate). The process begins in our lower chakras, the energy centers that help us manage our lives in a physical, material world. The “rage stage” then serves as the bridge to our upper chakras, which help us navigate our spiritual existence (because we are spirits, primarily) in balance or concert with our physical being (our bodies).
This completed process of emotional clearing leads to “integration,” because the shadow or dark side becomes reconciled with the light side. In fact, the two sides truly rely on and inform each other. Our chakra system provides physical evidence that we are wired to handle both the dark and the light, and we are indeed called to do so. This article gives more detail and context to better understand “integration” and why it’s important.
Within 48 hours of my explosive emotional clearing, I believe that I had successfully integrated the dark side of some specific family issues (anger at myself for neglecting myself; sadness and worry for my beloved family members) into the light side (I love them dearly and unconditionally; I call them mine and they call me theirs, no matter what). Only then could I be grateful for the package deal – the rage, the daze, the discernment, and the discovery.
Be warned: This can happen to anyone.
Be ready: Yours is coming.
Be assured: Rage by another name is gift.
(Next time: Rage by Another Name, Part 2 – The Collective)